The latest Hampshire: Steeped However, Embarrassed About it

Glance at the means the guy proudly smiles up in the you from the mobile monitor as he dangles his Catch throughout the day amongst the foot from their freight trousers-clothed ft! You comprehend men and women pouches are merely filled up with carabiners, hooks, and you will zero-connections! Imagine the adorable Boy Lookout your decided to go to elementary college that have. Think about how they was therefore useful and realized all the different kinds of knots? Ok, today picture them grown up-up-and refusing so you’re able to Venmo your $250 for their half of this new abortion. Today photo your rising into sunlight, that he phone calls “nature’s alarm clock.” Frankly, I don’t know which is worse.

Nebraska: The new Armchair Quarterback

You have experienced about three (3) java tables this year since your boyfriend, an armchair quarterback out of Nebraska, will not prevent crushing them inside outrage whenever their team will lose. The guy categorically will not accept that the players can’t hear your regarding his living room and you can, this is why, their blog post-fumble “Come on. ” cry are noisy. All Saturday, without fail, you may be either enjoying him telephone call all of the coach and you may member a screwing moron, otherwise cold at tailgate – never ever at the genuine game, regardless of if. He’s going to never mastered usually the one seasons and then he is almost a third-sequence walk-to your kicker to your Huskers, and because the guy discusses all of it this new damn day, neither can you.

Nevada: The brand new Perma-Bachelor

If only my personal match match myself as well as Bradley Cooper’s did on Hang-over, thinks the Nevada Fuckboy, upcoming my life might possibly be done. Around the guy goes, prowling from bar together with shirt undone you to definitely key as well of many, slurring his conditions and you may sloshing their martini. If perhaps it tasted as good as they appear, he magic to himself. Never ever inquire your to take out-of his glasses, because they are concealing a pair of crusted, bloodshot vision which were shortly after simple and you may loaded with lifetime. He’s now a walking cluster servers, continual to his family unit members: “You’ll receive hitched? Loss! It will be the single lives personally, brah!”, not knowing he’s going to end up being doomed to grow Cartagena kvinner med dating a great paunch, let their high priced match feel tarnished and you can terrible, and become among the many Vegas slot machine grannies, thumbing quarters to the machine and ingesting a-two-liter bottles away from diet Coke, wishing to winnings this new award off their missing youthfulness.

“Hello girl, don’t We see you from the Tri-Kap dager a week ago?” is an everyday opening gambit of the The newest Hampshire Fuckboy which is Rich However, Ashamed About this. A beneficial Dartmouth guy through-and-through, they are a perfect vision of key-lows, khaki pants, and you can a good blazer that can easily be worn in the formals plus in the their dad’s yacht pub. Inquire your outright when the he could be steeped, he’s going to stop wasting time to share with you his family members try not to individual an excellent private spraying – it’s just a risk within the a discussed G6 anywhere between a number of my dad’s business people. And he does not have any a residence for the Nantucket, it’s just a little summer house on beach nearby the Obamas’ place. An enjoyable trick if you wish to set your to the room – query your so you’re able to pronounce title out-of his very expensive check out (Audemars Piguet) to check out him squirm.

The fresh Mexico: The latest Plug

The newest Mexico, they do say, is the house out of spell, a desert in which your road trip goals may come genuine. It’s nearer to a dirty nightmare where men smell of soil and you can smegma. The new Mexican fuckboy, when the he is of Albuquerque, would be too eager to show you attractions off Cracking Crappy – you understand, that house you might toss a pizza on to, otherwise you to definitely amazingly meth hotel – while the that’s all he’s got. That, and his awesome “I am the one who hits” top (stained), an extensive-brimmed hat (will not match), and you can Heisenberg cups (in reality a tiny strict so they enjoy when you look at the and leave reddish, welt-such as indents on his head). In the event that they are out of Santa Fe, expect the same but with conversations throughout the Ayahuasca thus tiresome you’ll want to hurl oneself from the cliffs within Los Alamos.